Facing My Nightmares: A Katniss & Peeta Fanfiction
by R. Leigh Noble
Summary: Post Mockingjay Katniss Everdeen has to see her loved ones burn night after night, but she has one person that will hold her when the flames try to pull her under. REVIEWS ARE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED! M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**I just wrote this to practice my writing, but I had fun writing this because I LOVE the Hunger Games so much! This is my interpretation of what happens after Mockingjay. SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ MOCKINGJAY! Have fun reading this little Katniss/Peeta fanfic! I own nothing but my own ideas and dialogue! Thanks! :)**

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Prim still comes to me when my eyes are closed and the room is dark. I don't know why my brain has to put the most painful images possible in my dreams; but sleep is inevitable as are my nightly visits with my ghosts. Tonight it is her, and as usual, I cannot save her.

"Katniss, I the fire is so hot." She whispers, her shirt becoming untucked from the burning wind that swirls around us. It hangs out just like that day so long ago at the reaping. The day my world spun uncontrollably beneath my feet; and everyone I loved started to slip away.

"Prim, close your eyes!" I scream at my sister, as the fire illuminating the horizon blazes closer. Our lungs are filling with ash, as if the coal from district 12 has followed us all the way to the capitol. I watch in horror as the flames catch up to us, engulfing the helpless girl in a red hot inferno. She screams in pain and falls to her knees as her skin boils her alive. I run to her, unaffected by the blaze, and pull her charred blonde braids behind her head. She is burned to the point where her muscles are bloody and raw, her once soft, angelic face now nothing but a bloody, black skeleton. The smell of burning flesh chokes me.

"Katniss, I don't want to die!" She screams in pain. Her words hurt worse than the flames that begins peel at my skin, and I hold her until her bones disintegrate to dust. The flames disappear and I am surrounded by darkness. I kneel alone, holding my face in my now-dusty palms. Painful sobs escape my mouth, as figures start to become visible around me.

Rue and Finnick. Cato, Glimmer, Foxface, every single person that never deserved to die stand in a circle around me, a look of disatisfaction painted on their bloodied faces.

"Girl on fire." They chant over and over. I cover my ears and scream. The voices get louder and louder until I feel like my head will explode. Suddenly the floor drops open and I am falling. Falling into the darkness.

I wake with a scream, feeling like I just landed in my bed, and reach to my side to hold on to the one person who can make the nightmares disappear from my mind. My sweaty hands grip the sheets, but he's not there.

"Peeta!" I scream, panicked. "Peeta!" The sound of feet slamming up the stairs and the door slamming open is enough to throw me out of bed and onto my feet.

"Katniss, I'm sorry! I was downstairs!" He whispers as I hurtle myself into his arms. I am hyperventillating, and would be collapsed on the floor in hysterics if he wasn't holding me up. "Shhhhh," he hushes, brushing my hair off my damp forehead.

"I can't do it anymore, Peeta." I gasp. "I see her dying a million different ways every night. This one was the worst yet."

He holds me close to his chest and pulls my head tight against his warm body. I take comfort in the sound of his heart beating, and focus on the hypnotizing beat. "Katniss, you can deal with them. I'm always here for you." His hand rubs circles on my back, and I clutch his arms, lost in his embrace.

"But I have to go through the nightmares alone," I breathe. "I can't take another night."

He takes my face in his calloused hands, and his brow furrows as his blue eyes look down into mine. "Katniss, I know how you feel. I relive things every night that I can barely handle. I know what it's like to wake up feeling like you can't breathe because everything you love is being ripped away from you." He holds me tighter, the pain in his voice becoming more noticable. "But I wake up and see you next to me and I know that you will be there the next night. And the next. And the next, and it's a little more bearable."

He wipes a tear from my cheek. "Peeta, I don't want to live like this, where I'm terrified to go to sleep. I want to dream of the good times I had with Prim."

"I'm sure with time you will be able to dream again. But please Katniss, just know that if you ever decided that you don't want to live anymore, it would kill me. I don't want to face my nightmares alone."

I lean up and hold his face close to mine. "Peeta, I would never leave you." He tips his face a few inches closer to mine until our lips touch. His blonde eyelashes flutter as his eyes close. I wrap my arms around his neck and he lifts me back onto the bed, our lips never parting. I am seated on the edge of the bed, and he is above me, one hand wrapped in my hair, one on my hip. We are entwined, kissing like this for a few minutes until we crawl into the warmth under the covers.

"I love you," Peeta whispers in my ear, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

I pin my body against his, sliding my hands over his chest. "I love you too, Peeta."

He pulls me close, and we lay together in the darkness. His fingers draw circles on my face, down my arms, and play with the pieces of hair that stick out of my braid. I feel safe with him, and I know that the nightmares will return again tomorrow night, and there will be many more to come. But the nightmares only last a few hours at most, and I have much more time to spend awake with the man beside me.

My lips touch his again, and I look into his eyes. "If I have another nightmare tonight, will you hold onto me, Peeta?"

"Back in the arena, we fought together. Even though we are long gone from that place, and we know we are safe, I will never _ever_ let you fight alone."


	2. Chapter 2

**I want to thank everyone that left nice reviews! It means a lot to me! I decided because it's just too much fun to stop, I will keep this fic going until I see a good place to end it. It's not going to be too much longer, but I might do one or two more chapters! Enjoy! xoxo**

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The sunlight is leaking in from behind the dusty curtains in our little bedroom, letting me know that it's well into the morning. Peeta is probably off baking something in the kitchen but my nose tells me there is nothing cooking below me. I purse my lips and stretch my legs under the blanket. When I turn over, I see something unexpected. It's him.

Peeta is a few inches from me, his eyes wide open, watching me. He lifts his hand and touches my cheek, tracing the profile of my face down to my lips. I smile at the unexpected touch, at the sight of Peeta. Usually he is up early in the morning, working his hands through the gooey dough and flour. He has never been here when I've woken up. He always gets up at the crack of dawn to work and manage his own thoughts alone.

"Good morning." He murmurs.

The happiness I let myself feel slips away for a moment. "Is something wrong?" I ask sitting up. He pulls me back down and my head thumps on my pillow. He breaks into a grin, showing me his sparkling white teeth.

"No, no! I just wanted to make good on my promise. I told you I'd stay with you if you had another nightmare. Now that you're awake, I think my work here is done." With a soft kiss on my lips, he hops out of bed and stands in the doorway.

"Thank you." I say softly.

He smiles once again and heads off to start his work for the day. I turn over in bed and sprawl out in the warmth he left behind.

* * *

I take a long, hot shower and tread down the stairs, seeing Peeta bent over an oven with a fresh mound of dough. He slides it in the oven and turns around.

"Oh hey." He flings off his apron and claps his hands together sending a cloud of flour into the air. "Anything special you would like to do today?"

I stand at the window thinking. Nothing comes to mind. It is ominously cloudy out, and it looks like it could soon rain. "I'll let you know."

"Okay." He looks at me for a second, as if he were about to ask me something but decided against it.

"Peeta, I'm sorry about worrying you last night. I shouldn't have made you think I'm suicidal or anything. It's definitely not like that."

He shuffles toward me and leans against the wall. "Don't apologize, Katniss. I know you're going through hell every night. I only worry..." He kisses me on the nose. "...because I love you."

He is sure now. His words come effortlessly, just like they did back when we were sixteen. Back when I figured it was all a ruse for the audience. Back when I wasn't even sure myself. Then things changed and when I was the one that was sure of my feelings, it was he who was confused. But here and now, all the kisses, the embraces, him staying beside me as I cry over the horrors we've been through in the past few years, they are too sincere for him to be faking. Besides, who would he be faking them for? I'm all he has left.

I smile to the flour covered man before me. "Peeta, I want to go for a walk. Would you like to come?"

He runs to the oven and puts out the flame, then splashes his hands with water, ridding them of the remaining flour. "I couldn't refuse."

The sky looks dreadful, but the fresh air is what I need right now. As we shuffle through the tall grass behind the house, Peeta's fingers are tangled in mine. He points to the sky as a mockingjay flies overhead, surely taking cover from the incoming storm. I smile; the sweet mockingjays remind me of Rue, in a positive light.

Peeta is very quiet for a good portion of the walk. He mostly gazes between us at our hands, every so often squeezing mine in his and smiling. As we approach a patch of purple flowers, he stops briefly and opens his mouth. He says nothing.

"What?" I ask, trying to figure out what's on his mind. "Is something bothering you?"

Peeta half-smiles and looks me in my eyes. "You know that I love you more than anything in the world, right?"

"Of course," I murmur, obviously concerned. What is he trying to say?

"And Katniss, there is nothing I would ever do to deliberately hurt you." His voice sounds pained, and my worry is growing.

"Peeta, what happened?"

He pulls me down into the flowers, laying my head down on his lap. He strokes my hair softly while I gaze up into his eyes. If only I could read what he's hiding in those baby blues.

"Nothing happened," He speaks innocently. "I just had an idea, and I'm not sure how you would take it."

I say nothing, waiting for him to continue. He picks a flower and delicately weaves it in my hair. He starts again, but no words come out. Raindrops start falling slowly, and he takes a steady hold of my hand.

"Katniss, I want to have a baby."

A baby. The words that I didn't expect him to say choke me and I am incapable of breathing. He knows my opinion on this; that I would never _ever_ bring a child into such a broken world. We've never even _been together_ intimately; there is no way I would risk it. He's been very patient these past few years, but I figured we had settled the matter when he held me as I cried one night a few years ago. I had a nightmare that I had a baby boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes like Peeta and he was mauled to death by muttations. I woke up in such a panic that it took hours for Peeta to console me. I made myself so hysterical that I ended up not eating for days. Peeta definately remembers that night, doesn't he?

"Say something, Katniss." His facial expression is worry mixed with longing. I know how bad he wants to start a family, but I just can't. I can't even think about it. _No._

The rain is a full on downpour now. I stand up and wrap my arms around myself. The raindrops may be disguising my tears, but my voice can't hide my emotion. "Peeta,"

"Please Katniss." He begs. "Please. It's completely safe now. We could have a family of our own!" He stands up too, placing his hands on my shoulders. I shrug them off and turn away, biting down on my lip to hold in the terrifying sob threatening to come out.

I slightly shake my head to give him an answer, and I can see a tear coming down his face. It is definitely not a raindrop. It breaks my heart to hurt him, but this is something I just don't want to think about. I turn away from Peeta, and bolt through the rain to the safety of the house.

I run to our bedroom and slam my soaked body into the bed, letting out a scream that would startle every mockingjay out of the trees. I grip the comforter, expecting just that; comfort. But nothing eases the pain of the fact that I am hurting Peeta. I'm being selfish. But isn't he as well? Isn't is selfish for him to expect me to change my mind after I told him I never wanted to have a baby be so vulnerable in my fragile world?

I pull myself together and look out the window. I can see Peeta sitting back down in the purple flowers, hunched over and hugging his knees. I can't tell if he's crying, but he is becoming soaking wet from the storm.

He loves me more than anything. He didn't want to hurt me, he was just desparate to let me know how much he wanted a child. He wasn't demanding about it, he was gentle and kind. Yet I left him sitting in the rain. He didn't try to hurt me, yet I so roughly hurt him.

I guess it is inevitable that I end up hurting everyone I love.


	3. Chapter 3

Peeta eventually comes in from the rain and continues baking. That's his release; baking. Mine is hunting, which he lets me do without question, and his is using dough to create delicious pasties, cakes, and breads. When I'm in the woods I let my thoughts take over my brain, and I think about the things that have happened to me. When Peeta has his hands in a fresh pile of dough, that is where I'm sure he gets his chance to work things out.

So I let him be. I take my bow and quiver of arrows and slip on my boots, then I carefully open the window of our bedroom. It's not a long drop, just one story, so I hang over the edge and land noiselessly on the moist ground below. I can see him working through the window, and can't help but stare at his golden hair, his muscular arms, his calloused yet gentle hands. His face is expressionless; he is lost slicing apples for a pie he promised Haymitch. I duck away before he sees me, and run through the puddles to the woods.

The rain has passed, and it is now the strange period where the birds reclaim the forest and the sun peeks through the gaps in the leaves. The air smells fresh and wet, and it is hard to keep quiet with the numerous puddles in my way. At the rate I'm going, I'll scare off any sign of game within a mile radius.

Deep down I know I didn't come here to hunt. I came because the woods are the only part of myself that I still have from before the games; from when life was somewhat normal. I know why I needed to escape the house for a while, it's because I felt so horrible about Peeta, that I couldn't stand to be right above him knowing that I broke his heart. I need my forest, the familiar green.

I sit down on a large rock protruding from a natural forest wall. It's quiet and I am far from anyone's sight, so I hold my face between my hands and let myself cry for a while. I'm terrified that tonight Peeta won't want to hold me, yet I'm certain that the nightmares will plague me again. Why should he comfort me, when I'm never there for him? I know that him ignoring me would be fair, but I can't bear the thought of him being mad at me. We've been through so much together, that my stubbornness is a rediculous reason to separate us.

As the day passes, I give up on hunting. I haven't caught a single thing. I trudge through the deep foliage to the familiar path that winds to the exit of the woods, and make my way home. It's dark and past dinner, and I find Peeta in the living room painting.

"Hi Katniss," He says nicely without stopping his painting. His voice holds no sign of anger, which relieves me.

"Sorry, I was hunting." I apologize.

"I figured since your bow was gone and our window upstairs was open." He chuckles and continues brushing his favorite orange onto the flower of a tiger lily. "I thought you'd need some air."

"I was awful to you." I mutter. "I don't know why I just ran off like that. Peeta, I-"

"Katniss." He says, cutting me off. "I was the one who surprised you like that. It was abrupt and stupid. I should've known better that you wouldn't change your mind."

"It's not that, Peeta. I'm just selfish. I'm selfish and stupid because I can't see everything we've accomplished. I can't let myself be happy because I'm scared that it's all going to be taken away from me." I'm not sure if Peeta can understand a word I'm saying because I am sobbing now.

He puts his paintbrush down and guides me to the sofa, laying down beside me. "You are not stupid or selfish. You and I have been through the worst anyone could go through and I know that some things you may not be able to get over. And Katniss, don't think that saying no to having a baby will make me love you any less. It's okay to be afraid, because I am terrified too. I don't know what would happen if we had a kid. Maybe I would be an awful dad."

I have to laugh past the tears at his last remark. "Oh Peeta, you would be the best dad and you know it. I've never seen anyone as patient as you."

He wipes my tears off my cheeks and wraps his arms around my body. "And you don't see how good of a mother you would be. You are the most loving, brave woman I have ever met. Nothing would happen to a child under your care."

"I know, but-"

"I'm not trying to change your mind, Katniss. I just want you to see what I see when I look at you. I will not ask again though, and please do not feel bad about hurting my feelings. It is your desicion, and all I want is for you to be happy." Peeta kisses the top of my head.

I summon a deep breath and look up into his eyes. "Peeta, please tell me why you want children."

"Well, Katniss, we aren't going to live forever." He pauses, checking my face to make sure he didn't say anything to upset me. "If something happened to you, I don't know how I could go on. I just couldn't. I just wanted to have a piece of us combined; something that I could watch grow. They would be safe, because of what you did at the Capitol, they would never have to see the horrors we have seen. Our childhoods may have been ruined, but theirs wouldn't have to be."

I try to find something to say. "Okay." Is all I can come up with. "Thanks for being honest."

He hugs me one more time, and heads toward the stairs. "I'm going to bed. You coming?"

"I will in a bit, I'm going to have some tea."

"Okay. Wake me if you have a bad dream." He smiles and climbs the stairs, disappearing from my view.

I sip some tea and stare at Peeta's beautiful painting for a while, letting his words sink in. Peeta had trusted me wholeheartedly when he was hijacked; he never doubted when I explained about everything before he lost his sanity. He trusted me when I told him that he loved me, and that I loved him. He trusted me with everything. I should trust him.

My hands shake as they grip the railing of the stairs. I slowly guide my feet up each step, until I reach the top where the door of our room is. It is dark, and I can hear his soft snore radiating through the air. I slip into bed quietly, without waking him, and face his sleeping body. I can do this, I tell myself.

My hands find the bottom of his shirt, and I shakily feel my way up his soft torso and his muscled his chest. His eyes flutter open, and he tries to comprehend what I'm doing. I snuggle closer, kissing him tenderly. He resists at first, then kisses back. I feel awkward with my hands in his shirt, and my legs nearly wrapped with his, but he doesn't seem to mind. He pins my shoulders to the bed, and passionately works his lips around and beneath mine. The leg that I am not lying on pushes it's way between Peeta's, and I fumble for my shirt, lifting it just above my bellybutton when he stops me.

"What's wrong?" I ask, embarrassed at the rejection.

"What are you doing, Katniss?" He demands, leaning back on his elbow.

"Trusting you." I whisper, leaning in for another kiss. His hand grasps my wrist and ducks back, and I slink down into my side of the bed. "So _now_ you change your mind, Peeta?"

He sighs. "I would like to ask you the same question."

"I _have_ changed my mind," I say, mustering every ounce of confidence I can. "Ever since the end of the war, I have let you give me everything. It's your turn to have something. You have proved to me that you love me and that you would do absolutely anything for me, and why shouldn't I do the same?"

Peeta is speechless for a few moments. He balances himself over my body, his mouth an inch from mine. "Katniss, I told you that you don't have to-"

"No. I will be okay. Peeta, I trust you. I love you."

Peeta leans down and kisses me like he's never kissed me before. It has a fire; a happiness that I've never felt in him. Our lips mold together, and we cling so tight to each other that no force in the universe could tear us apart.

"Katniss, thank you." He whispers. There are tears in his eyes. Different than the ones I saw earlier in the rain; these are tears letting me know that I am giving him something that he has always dreamt of.

"I love you so much, Peeta."

He kisses me slowly. "Words can't even describe how much I love you." He speaks without leaving my lips, his words buzzing in my mouth.

"I don't need words." I murmur. "Just show me."


End file.
